My 宝贝儿起飞了。

Today my Baby going back Sarawak together with family for her Grandma's funeral arrangement. Even though she is  going back within Malaysia, my heart feels 依依不舍 she leaving. I wish she stays here with me all the time.

I couldn't bear the feelings to be separated with her so far.. Now I understand long distance relationship is very hard to maintain with such feelings bothering me everyday.

I miss her right now even though she haven't departure.

I miss you so much Baby~

Communication Gap

Communication gap is the biggest thing to know when interacting peoples especially your loved ones.

Sound easy to fix it by talking more about them-self to one and another. But, do you sure are they really listening or just want to have a topic to say? Go figure~~

For me, communications gap happens when the person comments about what you said and which is bad comments that you don't really expect to hear, or reluctant to answer or response and just say "mmm..." , "oh....", "ok..."

When they do that, I know they not interested to know or don't really like to know it. She keeps telling me I don't talk much, don't really show my true inner side on mindset, thoughts and feelings. From that, making her have to guess everyday on everything which she dislikes the most. I hate it too.. Why not you just give it a rest will ya?

I don't really understand why I didn't tell her what I'm truly thinking or what's in my mind at that time. Maybe I just don't think this is necessary to tell her on every little things. I just want to say "i'm thinking nothing because I'm tired and I need a rest laying on my comfy bed whole day." NO WAY she can accept that reason!  

My point here is I can't think a thing properly with sleepy head!!!! I need a rest!!! When you said you miss me and ask do you want to come?

How could I say NO?!! Last time I did that and she tell me "I will never ask you out again next time. Go rest then"

I was like "WTH?! Can't I deserve a decent rest just for one weekend? Why can't you follow me rest at home whole day?"

I remember she said weekend must go out because weekdays didn't go out, very wasting if didn't go out. I'm thinking "If you carrying a tiring body go out , will you enjoy the moment?" I don't think so...

But I can't say like that to her, she very delicate on words I use to her and I know my straightforward attitude will hurt her feelings. I need to choose a "wise" words to her which I often find it hard to do that. At the end, i chose not to tell. Failed approach!!

Tired of this... Night 

Earning Trust

Hi blogger, it's me again. I'm here to write out all my inner complex feelings, thinking, mindset or whatever you call it. Just want to write out what I'm currently thinking and frustrated about it the most.

Is it so hard to earn trust from someone? Trust - to me is a big challenge and also a big myth. First, by challenge I mean it takes times and effort. Every individual has different level of acceptance and understanding. As for my case, she in the most unreachable level for me to get to it. It seems sooo difficult for me to reach till there where limited time given by me. Next, how she could accept and trust is earned from her by what and how? Is a myth to me and no matter how hard I try and keep developing myself towards it. She will relentless telling me "you still not up to the level yet and please don't ask why. Just prove it to me!"

From what I know on what I had done and developed, I clearly understood what maturiy means and how it should be. Every individual has different views of maturity and maturity types or approaches. In other words, how that person trully mature by being real to himself or the real him/her.

When i do it my way and she doesn't like it very much. She is easily say "do whatever you want & I'll leave you right now."

She doesn't appreciate this relationship anymore....

She doesn't really care much as usual anymore.....

As stated, earning trust takes time and effort. Once broken, it stays broken.
Scars has made and unmovable - period.


Here is the only place I could really shares my true feelings and thoughts...
"I really couldn't accept what she said to me just now - cannot 100% trustworthy"

I'm done with it. That's all I could say.